Thanks to a night with a wonderfully faithful and inspirational women that has traveled a similar road. Then jumping on facebook and finding out a friend has sadly joined the group of mothers who have lost infants far to soon. I was reminded of all the blessings that the Lord has bestowed on us as we traveled this journey, throughout our lives and continous to daily. So, as I layed my head down to sleep I prayed for strength and guidance.... I thanked the Lord for blessing us with the time we did have with Jacob and for our healthy loving Gracie!
When we learned that we where expecting our second child we where filled with excitement! We anticipated that this would be an easy pregnancy and couldn't wait to welcome our new little one home! At the same time we discovered that a number of friends would also be welcoming there own new bundle of joy into there lives when our Child arrived. How great would it be for them all to play and grow up together, life couldn't be better! Plus, Gracie was sooo excited that she would be a big sister! She couldn't wait to tell her little brother what to do:) Man was she wrong... little Jacob wasn't going to have anyone tell him what to do!
Jacob was actually due on September 17, 2010. So, as we approach his due date our friends are welcoming home there bundle of joys. While our bundle of joy rests peacefully in the arms of the ultimate Father.
So unsure of how to handle this for we are truly excited for our friends but, our heart aches for our dear Jacob! I'm thankful for a fabulous NICU nurse(thanks Melissa B) that has two angels in heaven that shared with me in the hospital that she consciously decided to be happy for her friends while her heart ached. So, I have taken this advice to heart from the moment that we left the hospital without Jacob packed snugly in his car seat heading home with us for God had other plans and instead he went to Heaven. So, whatever I have encountered... a friend sharing a problem in there life... I choose to recognize that this is a true concern in there life, someone making a comment that hurts... I choose to realize that they are only trying to comfort and they really don't know what to say, As our friends welcome there bundle of joys home... I choose to welcome them with joy and open arms just as they have comforted us through our journey.
It's often times so easy to get wrapped up in what we didn't get that I think we forget about what we did. So, I'm THANKFUL TO GOD! I'm THANKFUL TO GOD for answering our prayers and continuing to direct our paths! "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:5-6 I'm thankful for every second we had with Jacob! I'm thankful for his strong heart! I'm thankful that his lungs worked! I'm thankful for our parents that protected and watched over us so we could be with Jacob continuously! I'm thankful for our friends and wonderful nurses that guided us! I'm thankful for having over 12 days with our precious boy... some parents wish for the time we had! I'm thankful for our loving daughter that continues to make us smile even when tears threaten to take over! I'm thankful for the beauty of children! I'm thankful for my children!
While I'm still praying often for strength and guidance because the life I had planned has been shaken to the core. I thank God for the strength that he has given me. I'm praying for guidance so that I know where to go next... I want to show our strong boy Jacob's heart in everything I do, I want to share Gracie's amazing loving nature, I want to be a Fabulous wife, mother, daughter and friend. So I continue to take it slow and hope to hear God's plan in the process.
Forever and Always THANKFUL for the grace and love that God surrounds me with!