The information was slowly soaking in after our first day of shock. Matt and I spent a lot of time comforting each other, talking and trying to work it out... at least the best that we could. Anxious, still searching for answers and unable to sleep I scoured the Internet researching and reading everything I could through tear soaked glasses. While I had hoped that my research would bring me comfort it left me quite emotional, saddened, and more confused than before! My research found that there are a number of variables to outcomes... Unfortunately in addition to the distended bladder and possible kidney problems, we did not know how long our little one had been without amniotic fluid....so, we would have no idea how or if his lungs had developed enough to sustain life until delivery. It was official we would have to take it day by day and trust that God was taking care of all of us.
If you know me well enough then you know that I may be a bit of a control freak (maybe Matt too). We both have always taken whatever situation we are given and taken control of it, worked to 'fix' it or get the job done... whatever needs to happen. To find ourselves in a situation with NO CONTROL has been a learning experience that has brought us closer to God and each other. By the grace of God I am learning to take everything one day at a time.
That Friday, we waited patiently for the Doctor to call us with our first set of test results. Our first set of results where not in the 'good prognosis range' but just a little high. Typically, they do not look at these results closely because they don't know how long the urine has remained in the bladder. Saddened but still optimistic we looked on to our next visit on Tuesday when we would have more testing and baby would get 'synthetic' amniotic fluid which is crucial for development.
Tuesday we found ourselves back at ultrasound to meet with our Dr and answer more questions. This visit was extremely painful and tough on me as they inserted the needle to draw fluid off the bladder for testing and then try and find a spot to put 'synthetic' amniotic fluid in. I was thankful that my mother was able to join us. Since the fluid was so low it took hours for this procedure to finish. I was exhausted and thankful when it was done. (Just in case you are wondering... No pain medication ever in these procedures.) It was at this visit that the Dr's mentioned that we have the option of termination until week 24. After hearing this Matt and I discussed what we wanted to do. Through tears we agreed that we would do everything we could and fight this to the end. We would let whatever God had planned to happen. Assured that we were both on the same page and in this together no matter what....we waited for test results the following day. Thursday we would be back for another procedure.
Results from our second test did not show signs of improvement. The numbers had actually gone up but, again the Dr. said that we would look at the final results and see where we stood then.
Again on Thursday we found ourselves back at ultrasound to get scanned, meet with Dr. and pull more fluid off of babies bladder. Dr was unable to call with our results until late Friday...I was dying waiting to hear what he had to say, hopeful and prayerful. Still no good results our numbers remained about the same as the second test which put us out of the 'good' prognosis range. We scheduled another ultrasound for the following Monday. Emotional and crying as I listened to our third test results I told the Dr. that we had decided to do everything we could for our little one and that termination was not an option. The Dr assured me to stay positive and we would discuss plans on Monday.
This was not the Mother's Day present that I had hoped for. After weeping where my Grace could not see me I got myself together the best that I could. Remembering the beautiful blessings that surrounded me everyday! While some parts of my life seemed to be caving in around me, I did not want to loose sight of how fortunate and blessed we truly are!! So, we blew bubbles and listened to the laughter and excitement of an amazing three year old! For now we would do our best to live in the moment and simple enjoy each other. God would take care of us!